It is definitely Spring time around here. Either that or my sinuses decided to go haywire for nothing. I have a serious love-hate relationship with Spring. I love that the snow is finally gone, that I can break out the shorts, do some yard work, plant flowers and vegetables, go to the park, etc. I DESPISE that pollen suddenly invades my life, making breathing and seeing an impossible task. Every year I feel like I'm Mark Wahlberg in "The Happening" and the flora of Earth are trying to destroy me, poisoning my system with its yellow powder.
Spring also brings shorter clothing. "Suns out, guns out!" Tank tops, shorts, 70 year old men in Speedos doing their gardening, spaghetti straps, bikinis, etc. With the heat and the sun comes a desire to stay cool in the Summer, get a nice tan, show off those muscles, etc. Along with this wardrobe change comes a challenge: modesty. Yes, the M word. Most girls who have grown up in the church, come from a Christian family, attended a Christian youth group for any period of time, etc. have heard the sermons on modesty or been addressed by adult leaders about how they dress.
As it stands now, the majority of the conversation is one-sided. Girls are told to dress modest, not show off too much, not dress provocatively, wear a shirt while swimming, etc. I personally do believe that you shouldn't be showing off goods that aren't for sale. While the rest of America is obsessed with sexuality and revealing clothing (just look at the "misses" section of Kohl's as Summer approaches), there IS a standard for Christian girls. HOWEVER, there is ALSO a standard for guys.
For far too long, young men have been able to pass the lust buck, putting the onus on the girls to cover up anything and everything, not wear tight clothing, etc. "Girls, if you don't dress modestly, you are gonna cause one of your Christian brothers to lust and while that is sin, you are a party to their sin because you should know better than to wear THAT! How dare you! Baby Jesus cries!" That's how I imagine the conversation goes. I never had the modesty talk because, well, I'm a dude and I was fat so I never wanted to wear something revealing or short. I always wore baggy clothing to cover up the Michelin Man physique I was sporting. But I digress..
All that we have done, as Christian leaders, is create a shaming system focused solely on women. We tell them, "You are responsible for how those young men think. They are nothing more than Hormone bombs just waiting for your curves to initiate launch sequence. They are nothing more than sex-crazed apes that will air hump at the first sight of a belly button, so please wear a sweatshirt and ankle length dress at all times, something loose fitting and baggy. Let's help a brother out."
SMH
Before I put my crosshairs on men, let me speak about modesty. Christian women, you are absolutely responsible for how you dress. We are called to be different than the world and that does mean we should not intentionally dress or act in a way that will lead men to think in a certain direction. If you are wearing V-necks cut down to your belly button so that the girls popping out or wearing bootie shorts so small that when you sneeze you see butt cheek, you are NOT being modest. You can wear nice looking, form fitting, stylish clothing without showing off every curve and inch of skin that God blessed you with. You are blessed by God to have a form that is beautiful to the male eye, God made you that way. There is nothing wrong with being beautiful, feeling beautiful, and dressing beautiful, but you don't have to dress in such a way that is revealing and sensual.
I realize that it is hard. I have walked through the clothing at Kohl's and the like as my wife shops and seen the few "modest" options that may be available. It is hard because society wants short and tight, so stores sell short and tight. But you can still be stylish and not succumb to the hoochie mama look.
There is a line that can be crossed, even innocently, and you do need to be aware of how you look and even how it could be perceived.
Men have shamed women for far too long, pointing the finger and telling them it is their fault for making us lust and think dirty thoughts and all that crap. Now, if you are dressing like a whodathoughtit, then yes, you are PARTIALLY responsible for that. But making a sweeping argument that women are responsible for men falling is a load of horse poo. That's like saying, "Well, she is to blame for being raped because she shouldn't have been wearing that v-neck." or "It was her fault that I lusted because she was wearing tight pants." The burden of visual modesty does rest on the shoulders of women, but that doesn't mean that you have to walk around in a burqa. Dress stylish, dress for the occasion, but keep modesty in mind.
MEN, it is time for you take responsibility. As a gender, we have pointed the finger at women and passed the lust buck, faulting them for our lack of self-control. Do you wanna know who is responsible for how you think? Turn that finger back to your own chest.
::::GASPS OF SHOCK:::::
It is not the woman's fault that you can't control you thoughts. It's your fault. You are not some hormone-driven sex hound that must procreate with anything having curves and skin. You control your thoughts, you have the steering wheel, not you hormones. We cannot point the finger of blame at the female gender for our inability to control our thoughts and desires. Take Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 6 "All things are lawful for me, BUT I WILL NOT BE MASTERED BY ANYTHING." That includes your sexual desires and your lustful thoughts.
Just because someone may be dressed inappropriately, DOES NOT mean you have to take that image into your head and have your way with it. We live in a world where there are people who do not believe as we do and who are not going to dress modestly, but that DOES NOT get you off the hook. You still have control over how long you look and what you do with that thought. You don't have to immediately begin to mentally undress that person and start having mental intercourse with them just because they are wearing a low cut blouse.
Also, if you are in a place where a certain type of clothing is called for, like a bikini at the pool, yoga pants and tank tops/sports tops at the gym, shorts and sports tops while running, etc., that doesn't mean they are wrong for wearing activity appropriate clothing in a place or location designed for that. Stop pushing the blame off onto women just because it is easier to do so than to take your own thoughts captive.
Men, it is time we actually manned up to the challenge and followed Scripture, taking our thoughts captive, guarding our hearts, and not letting our desires master us. Stop shaming women because you want the easy way out. Start taking responsibility for your mind and control yourself. Let's be honest with ourselves, we can get ourselves excited about the slightest glimpse of skin, undergarments, belly button, etc. It doesn't take much for a man's sexual engine to get started. But YOU control the switch, not your mind, not your hormones. So, take back control and start living like the self-controlled Christian man you are supposed to be. Stop blaming others for your laziness to control your thoughts.
Modesty isn't just about how you look. Modesty is defined "behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency." Ladies, is your look, behavior, or appearance indecent? You aren't being modest. Guys, are your thoughts and behavior indecent? You aren't being modest.
So, that being said, I leave you with 2 points.
1. Ladies, please think about what you wear and do your best to be modest. You don't have to wear a muumuu to be a Christian woman. Be stylish, love your body, dress nice, but leave the goodies covered and modest. You were created with a beautiful body that your husband alone was made to enjoy.
2. Guys, take control of your own thoughts and stop trying to blame women for your mental laziness. Don't be mastered by your sexuality, but take your thoughts captive, control where you go with those thoughts, and take Paul's words to Timothy to heart, "Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters." (1 Timothy 5:1) Save the fantasies for your wife. God made your wife for you to fantasize about all day long (and vice versa). So, reserve the bedroom of your mind for your wife alone.
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