I grew up in a very traditional Pentecostal church in Oklahoma City in the 80's. There were certain things we didn't talk about, or if we did it was about how bad or wrong it was, like sex. We never talked about the healthy views of sex, how blessed it is in married life, what a gift it is, and the proper expression of it, only that if you have sex outside of marriage SHAME ON YOU! It a was time of purity rings and abstinence pledges, but my parents never had a word to say on it nor did my pastors. It wasn't talked about or touched on, in fact no real issue of importance or controversy was mentioned. "If we don't talk about it, then they won't get curious," was the general feeling. If they don't know, they can't get in trouble. :::annoying buzzer sound::: Wrong answer, thanks for playing and may the Lord richly bless you. That excuse is illogical and irrational. I heard a lot about sex from everyone else, and just one, small, uncomfortable discussion about puberty and turning into a man at home.
Here is the reality: If they don't hear the truth from us in the church, society is waiting to fill the void. Just because we don't bring up the big issues and talk openly and honestly about them doesn't mean they will grow up innocent. In fact, with the advances in technology and the loss of a social conscience and moral shock factor, they are going to hear plenty about the things we wish our children would be naive about. We have to be up front and honest about life and the realities of life. I'm not just talking about sex, but all the major topics that we really don't want to address, but we need to, both at home and in the church.
The Bible has a great deal to say about our life, how we should live if we are to be righteous, and the blessings and consequences that come with our choice to obey or rebel. First, the church should be a place of open and honest discussion of how to live a godly life in every area, avoiding the scare tactics, and just speaking the truth in love. There aren't taboo subjects. We need to know and teach the biblical view on war, abortion, homosexuality, transgender, sex, drugs, alcohol, pornography, etc. We can't afford to avoid a topic just because it is uncomfortable or difficult. If the Bible is the authoritative Word of God, the church should be open and teach the truth and how we can live in this world and what the Bible has to say about it.
Second, we have to be the first ones doing it at home. We have to parent on purpose, seizing the moments and opportunities that come across our path to teach our children how to live godly in every area. And here's the kicker: you have to study. We can't teach our children something that we don't know ourselves. We can't shrug off their questions with distractions or "that's just sinful". We need to have a good answer and a reason for that answer. It's all well and good to have your personal opinion about something, but as a Christian the only opinion that really matters is God's. We have to study and dig in to find what He has to say about every area of life and teach our kids not our tradition or personal opinion, but the truth of His word. The core of being a biblical family, the Deuteronomy 6 model of a faith family, is that we as parents bear the burden of spiritual instruction. They are going to look to us for the answers and we have to be studied up. "Because we've always done it that way" doesn't fly. When they are young we teach proper practice and when they start asking why we teach the principals and purpose behind the practice. To do so, we have to know it for ourselves.
Parenting, especially godly parenting, isn't a fly by the seat of your pants endeavor. We can't wait for last second inspiration from the Holy Spirit to teach our kid, can't just ready Super Nanny's books on child-rearing. We have to be intentional about studying and teaching our children the truth, instilling Christian core values in their hearts and why we have those values. It's not brainwashing or indoctrinating our children, but developing the moral framework for their lives. Society has plenty of ideas, doubts, reasons, questions, and attacks to throw at our children, inundating them with secular polemics, railing against morality and the Christian perspective. Trust me, the world wants very badly to see your child conform to the social "norms" and turn away from our "bigotry", "hypocrisy", and "outdated fairytales." As parents, we must raise the bar in our own lives, do the research ourselves, and be vigilant, looking for the key moments and opportune times to teach our children spiritual lessons and instill biblical values. We have to teach them not only the truth, but give them confidence in the truth, because truth is attacked in our world. Society wants conformity, not conscience. "Because my parents said so" or "just because" aren't good answers in the face of peers. Our children need to know the whys of what we believe and need that confidence at home to ask questions and get a good answer. They need to know that having Christian morals is going to be hard and is going to incur attack, but it's okay to be non-conformist. Christianity is counter-cultural. But flimsy excuses and scare tactics only provide weak foundations and twisted perceptions for life. God wants spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical health and maturity for our lives, which is why He tells us to live as we do. We need to be the loudest voice in our kids' lives, not the rest of humanity.
Your children are students and they will learn, but who is going to be their teacher: You or society?
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