I grew up in a very traditional Pentecostal church in Oklahoma City in the 80's. There were certain things we didn't talk about, or if we did it was about how bad or wrong it was, like sex. We never talked about the healthy views of sex, how blessed it is in married life, what a gift it is, and the proper expression of it, only that if you have sex outside of marriage SHAME ON YOU! It a was time of purity rings and abstinence pledges, but my parents never had a word to say on it nor did my pastors. It wasn't talked about or touched on, in fact no real issue of importance or controversy was mentioned. "If we don't talk about it, then they won't get curious," was the general feeling. If they don't know, they can't get in trouble. :::annoying buzzer sound::: Wrong answer, thanks for playing and may the Lord richly bless you. That excuse is illogical and irrational. I heard a lot about sex from everyone else, and just one, small, uncomfortable discussion about puberty and turning into a man at home.
Here is the reality: If they don't hear the truth from us in the church, society is waiting to fill the void. Just because we don't bring up the big issues and talk openly and honestly about them doesn't mean they will grow up innocent. In fact, with the advances in technology and the loss of a social conscience and moral shock factor, they are going to hear plenty about the things we wish our children would be naive about. We have to be up front and honest about life and the realities of life. I'm not just talking about sex, but all the major topics that we really don't want to address, but we need to, both at home and in the church.
The Bible has a great deal to say about our life, how we should live if we are to be righteous, and the blessings and consequences that come with our choice to obey or rebel. First, the church should be a place of open and honest discussion of how to live a godly life in every area, avoiding the scare tactics, and just speaking the truth in love. There aren't taboo subjects. We need to know and teach the biblical view on war, abortion, homosexuality, transgender, sex, drugs, alcohol, pornography, etc. We can't afford to avoid a topic just because it is uncomfortable or difficult. If the Bible is the authoritative Word of God, the church should be open and teach the truth and how we can live in this world and what the Bible has to say about it.
Second, we have to be the first ones doing it at home. We have to parent on purpose, seizing the moments and opportunities that come across our path to teach our children how to live godly in every area. And here's the kicker: you have to study. We can't teach our children something that we don't know ourselves. We can't shrug off their questions with distractions or "that's just sinful". We need to have a good answer and a reason for that answer. It's all well and good to have your personal opinion about something, but as a Christian the only opinion that really matters is God's. We have to study and dig in to find what He has to say about every area of life and teach our kids not our tradition or personal opinion, but the truth of His word. The core of being a biblical family, the Deuteronomy 6 model of a faith family, is that we as parents bear the burden of spiritual instruction. They are going to look to us for the answers and we have to be studied up. "Because we've always done it that way" doesn't fly. When they are young we teach proper practice and when they start asking why we teach the principals and purpose behind the practice. To do so, we have to know it for ourselves.
Parenting, especially godly parenting, isn't a fly by the seat of your pants endeavor. We can't wait for last second inspiration from the Holy Spirit to teach our kid, can't just ready Super Nanny's books on child-rearing. We have to be intentional about studying and teaching our children the truth, instilling Christian core values in their hearts and why we have those values. It's not brainwashing or indoctrinating our children, but developing the moral framework for their lives. Society has plenty of ideas, doubts, reasons, questions, and attacks to throw at our children, inundating them with secular polemics, railing against morality and the Christian perspective. Trust me, the world wants very badly to see your child conform to the social "norms" and turn away from our "bigotry", "hypocrisy", and "outdated fairytales." As parents, we must raise the bar in our own lives, do the research ourselves, and be vigilant, looking for the key moments and opportune times to teach our children spiritual lessons and instill biblical values. We have to teach them not only the truth, but give them confidence in the truth, because truth is attacked in our world. Society wants conformity, not conscience. "Because my parents said so" or "just because" aren't good answers in the face of peers. Our children need to know the whys of what we believe and need that confidence at home to ask questions and get a good answer. They need to know that having Christian morals is going to be hard and is going to incur attack, but it's okay to be non-conformist. Christianity is counter-cultural. But flimsy excuses and scare tactics only provide weak foundations and twisted perceptions for life. God wants spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical health and maturity for our lives, which is why He tells us to live as we do. We need to be the loudest voice in our kids' lives, not the rest of humanity.
Your children are students and they will learn, but who is going to be their teacher: You or society?
Apr 30, 2013
Apr 25, 2013
My scar, my trophy
Scars are just trophies of past victory. Of course I'm not talking about the scar on my wrist where I nearly sliced my hand off because I was being stupid with a band saw or the crease down my middle finger where I slipped and flayed myself with a box knife. I'm talking about emotional scars. I've learned in my life that life makes no sense. Period. There really is no reason or rhyme to why things happen when they happen, without consideration of the Divine. When God is removed from the equation, we are left with exactly what Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes, a world that makes no sense, pointless pain, meaningless suffering, and vain existence.
We are walking through the Book of Ecclesiastes right now on Sunday mornings and it really is an interesting study. Honestly, life is a painful journey through a meaningless existence, confronted by pointless pain and endless suffering, highlighted with brief moments of levity and relief...without God, that is. When we consider our lives and subtract God from the equation, we are left with exactly what Solomon concluded, "vanity of vanities, a chasing after the wind." There is no point in life, not meaning to our suffering, no underlying plot to history, just a collection of helpless souls striving to experience the least amount of suffering possible and work our way up the socio-economic ladder until we are finally laid to rest.
The whole thing is turned upside down when you add God to the equation. Suddenly life is filled with eternal purpose and meaning, even if we don't understand it all. We will NEVER truly understand all the suffering and pain that we go through in life and ultimately, even with knowing that God is in control, we will still be disappointed at God sometimes. That isn't blasphemous, but true. If you expect life to be rainbows and roses because Jesus is your Savior, you're gonna be disappointed. If you buy into Prosperity doctrine, believing that God is some immensely wealthy benefactor just waiting to write you another check, you are going to be disappointed. If you think that life will never have pain or sorrow because of the fact that your sins have been forgiven and erased, you are going to be disappointed.
The challenge of life is to find meaning and purpose amidst the suffering. We have to understand and trust God that He knows what is going on, as the one who sees the beginning from the end, and that in His infinite love He allows us to face pain and suffering because it has a purpose and He knows the end result. We will never be delivered from all our painful experiences, Jesus wasn't. He is the Son of God, God incarnate, and He faced the most excrutiating, humiliating pain and suffering by the WILL OF GOD! If He suffered, how can we expect to not suffer? So, what do we do then?
I know for a fact that ever painful and traumatic experiences, even those that have left me scarred and wounded, serve an eternal purpose and I am different because of them. Heartache, grief, loss of loved ones, miscarriage, doubt, etc. have all, in the end, made me into a better person. My scars aren't reminders of past hurts, but they are victories of survival. I look back on my life and see those experiences and they serve a purpose in the grand scheme. I have learned endurance, total surrender, infinite love, patience (or better put in the King James, long-suffering, because suffering is rarely short), amazing grace, sweet peace, and divine comfort from the battles and trauma I have faced in life.
I struggled with self-image and suicidal depression as a child, but through that God reached out to me in the darkest moment, as I sat poised to slit my wrist, and He revealed His love to me. That pain and depth of despair enabled me to emapthize and later minister to youth who were facing the same depths I had struggled with.
When our son was born, he suffered a lung infection that had no apparent cause, with extreme hemorrhaging, spent 16 days on respirators in NICU, had to be transferred to a government run hospital (he was born overseas) where we only were allowed 10 minutes A DAY with him, my wife underwent 2 surgeries within a few weeks of each other, and he was only given 50% chance of survival for the first several days. Why? I have no idea and I still cry at times when I remember those long, painful days, but through that God enabled us to minister to parents and families that were facing the same struggle we were.
People often try to hide their scars, but a scar is a wound that has healed. It didn't end in death, but you survived. They remind us of past hurts, yes, but hurts that we survived and if we allow them to, they make us better because of it. We develop character through suffering, peace in the midst of pain. It enables us to face future trials with the understanding that we can survive, with the help of God Almighty. Without Him in our lives, we might as well throw in the towel and allow cyncism and bitterness to rule our lives. He is sovereign and in control, and while He can withhold every painful experience and trial, in His infinite mercy and maturity, He knows that what we will face will serve for good later. He knows that we can endure and, if we trust Him, we will leave the storm with a new strength and resolve we never knew we had, a memorial to look back upon and use to point others to Him. He will not stop suffering from happening all the time, but He does work through those things for either our good or for someone else.
Praise God for my scars, because they serve as reminders of His grace and as illustrations of His mercy.
We are walking through the Book of Ecclesiastes right now on Sunday mornings and it really is an interesting study. Honestly, life is a painful journey through a meaningless existence, confronted by pointless pain and endless suffering, highlighted with brief moments of levity and relief...without God, that is. When we consider our lives and subtract God from the equation, we are left with exactly what Solomon concluded, "vanity of vanities, a chasing after the wind." There is no point in life, not meaning to our suffering, no underlying plot to history, just a collection of helpless souls striving to experience the least amount of suffering possible and work our way up the socio-economic ladder until we are finally laid to rest.
The whole thing is turned upside down when you add God to the equation. Suddenly life is filled with eternal purpose and meaning, even if we don't understand it all. We will NEVER truly understand all the suffering and pain that we go through in life and ultimately, even with knowing that God is in control, we will still be disappointed at God sometimes. That isn't blasphemous, but true. If you expect life to be rainbows and roses because Jesus is your Savior, you're gonna be disappointed. If you buy into Prosperity doctrine, believing that God is some immensely wealthy benefactor just waiting to write you another check, you are going to be disappointed. If you think that life will never have pain or sorrow because of the fact that your sins have been forgiven and erased, you are going to be disappointed.
The challenge of life is to find meaning and purpose amidst the suffering. We have to understand and trust God that He knows what is going on, as the one who sees the beginning from the end, and that in His infinite love He allows us to face pain and suffering because it has a purpose and He knows the end result. We will never be delivered from all our painful experiences, Jesus wasn't. He is the Son of God, God incarnate, and He faced the most excrutiating, humiliating pain and suffering by the WILL OF GOD! If He suffered, how can we expect to not suffer? So, what do we do then?
I know for a fact that ever painful and traumatic experiences, even those that have left me scarred and wounded, serve an eternal purpose and I am different because of them. Heartache, grief, loss of loved ones, miscarriage, doubt, etc. have all, in the end, made me into a better person. My scars aren't reminders of past hurts, but they are victories of survival. I look back on my life and see those experiences and they serve a purpose in the grand scheme. I have learned endurance, total surrender, infinite love, patience (or better put in the King James, long-suffering, because suffering is rarely short), amazing grace, sweet peace, and divine comfort from the battles and trauma I have faced in life.
I struggled with self-image and suicidal depression as a child, but through that God reached out to me in the darkest moment, as I sat poised to slit my wrist, and He revealed His love to me. That pain and depth of despair enabled me to emapthize and later minister to youth who were facing the same depths I had struggled with.
When our son was born, he suffered a lung infection that had no apparent cause, with extreme hemorrhaging, spent 16 days on respirators in NICU, had to be transferred to a government run hospital (he was born overseas) where we only were allowed 10 minutes A DAY with him, my wife underwent 2 surgeries within a few weeks of each other, and he was only given 50% chance of survival for the first several days. Why? I have no idea and I still cry at times when I remember those long, painful days, but through that God enabled us to minister to parents and families that were facing the same struggle we were.
People often try to hide their scars, but a scar is a wound that has healed. It didn't end in death, but you survived. They remind us of past hurts, yes, but hurts that we survived and if we allow them to, they make us better because of it. We develop character through suffering, peace in the midst of pain. It enables us to face future trials with the understanding that we can survive, with the help of God Almighty. Without Him in our lives, we might as well throw in the towel and allow cyncism and bitterness to rule our lives. He is sovereign and in control, and while He can withhold every painful experience and trial, in His infinite mercy and maturity, He knows that what we will face will serve for good later. He knows that we can endure and, if we trust Him, we will leave the storm with a new strength and resolve we never knew we had, a memorial to look back upon and use to point others to Him. He will not stop suffering from happening all the time, but He does work through those things for either our good or for someone else.
Praise God for my scars, because they serve as reminders of His grace and as illustrations of His mercy.
Apr 17, 2013
Priorities - Family First
"Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don't have. Just dreaming about nice things is meaningless--like chasing the winds." Ecclesiastes 6:9
My dad is a perpetual motion machine and has the heart of 10 servants. He lives to work and bless others, can be a workaholic at times, but has an insane work ethic. He finds it hard to just sit down, unless there is an OU game on. He works from sun up to sun down and I don't really think he knows what the term "free day" means. He has always been this way and I've learned a great deal about work and service from my Daddy, but there are some drawbacks to being hard wired like this. He is at times so work oriented that if there is something that needs done, he is the first one to volunteer, at times to the expense of his own family. It has changed in recent years, but I remember growing up that Dad was gone a lot.
My dad worked an awful lot when I was younger. He put in long hours, was gone when I woke up and at times didn't make it home by the time I was in bed, or just shortly before. He served at church and helped others when they needed help. All this built up to him not being around a great deal. In the 90's I remember hearing a song come on the radio that really became my prayer as a child. It was by Michael James, a Christian artist, and it's called slow down. The chorus goes like this:
Slow down, Daddy, don’t work so hard
We’re proud of our car
We’ve got a big enough yard
Slow down, Daddy, we want you around
Daddy, please slow down
I remember thinking this chorus over and over in my mind, praying it in my heart, silently begging my dad just to stop working and be with me. It wasn't that he did so out of a drive to get more and have the best stuff, it was a need to provide for his family, serve others, and work with everything in him. He is a servant and that is a rare gift to find in our world, but at times, to me, that got in the way of being my dad. Sure, he was there at my football games, band concerts, etc., but I just wanted times with my daddy throwing a football, playing catch, riding bikes, etc. As I got older, he was around a lot more and I have very found memories playing basketball with my dad on summer nights in the driveway, but as a child growing up I remember wanting Dad just to slow down and be with us.
It is a sad state in today's world that Consumerism has crept into our family mindset. We are always striving for more and better things, bigger houses, bigger cars, better insurance, nice food, nice clothes, cell phones, computers, etc. We run ourselves ragged trying to provide all these "necessities" and can begin neglecting the real necessities of life. We get wound up DOING so much for our family that we forget to BE with our family.
In Luke 10 Jesus was at Mary and Martha's house. Martha is running around working like a dog, trying to do everything and provide everything for their guest, while Mary is just sitting at Jesus' feet. Martha complains to Jesus, "Lord, tell that lazy bum to get up and help me! I'm working like crazy here trying to provide a meal for you." Jesus just looks at Martha and says, in essence, "Martha, you are so worried about so much, trying to so hard to make everything right, while she has chosen the better part, being with me, and I'm not gonna take that from her."
The major lesson here is that BEING is better than DOING. It's easy to get caught in the trap of "providing" the needs of our family, when in reality what we have is perfectly fine. We want nice stuff and things, but is it really a necessity? Is it worth working our brains out trying to give the best, nicest stuff when really what we have is fine? To slightly modify what Jesus said, "What does a man gain if he serves the whole world but loses his family?" It doesn't do our family any service if we work our tails off to do all that we can for our family but end up missing all the good things with our family.
When I get done in the office, I just wanna go home and rest, my brain fried from the day. I'm tired, I want to veg, but I came to a realization the other day that my time with Kai as a toddler is limited, my time with my wife is short, and I can either veg my time away, waiting for a free day or a weekend to spend time with them, or I can take every moment and make the most of the time I have with them. I had to define my priorities for life, would it be work or family first? This is even harder in ministry, when my work is full time service of the Lord, but the reality of Scripture is that my ministry is first to my family, because God has blessed me with a wife and family. I could choose to throw myself into the "sacred" work of the ministry, I could choose to kill myself with multiple jobs in an endless attempt to try and raise the financial level of our family, pay off debt, etc. Or, I could choose to enjoy the time I have with my wife and child, investing my energies and efforts into my relationships instead of tiring myself with an endless list of to do's and jobs, spending my resources on things that really don't matter in the long run.
Let me challenge you today to not get so busy with the rat race of life, to not work so hard "keeping up with the joneses", and invest everything in your family, because when it's all said and done, that's all you have. If that means rearranging your budget (or making one period!), down-sizing, etc. do so. God, spouse, children--that should be our priority list. Invest yourself in something lasting, in BEING and not so much in DOING.
My dad is a perpetual motion machine and has the heart of 10 servants. He lives to work and bless others, can be a workaholic at times, but has an insane work ethic. He finds it hard to just sit down, unless there is an OU game on. He works from sun up to sun down and I don't really think he knows what the term "free day" means. He has always been this way and I've learned a great deal about work and service from my Daddy, but there are some drawbacks to being hard wired like this. He is at times so work oriented that if there is something that needs done, he is the first one to volunteer, at times to the expense of his own family. It has changed in recent years, but I remember growing up that Dad was gone a lot.
My dad worked an awful lot when I was younger. He put in long hours, was gone when I woke up and at times didn't make it home by the time I was in bed, or just shortly before. He served at church and helped others when they needed help. All this built up to him not being around a great deal. In the 90's I remember hearing a song come on the radio that really became my prayer as a child. It was by Michael James, a Christian artist, and it's called slow down. The chorus goes like this:
Slow down, Daddy, don’t work so hard
We’re proud of our car
We’ve got a big enough yard
Slow down, Daddy, we want you around
Daddy, please slow down
I remember thinking this chorus over and over in my mind, praying it in my heart, silently begging my dad just to stop working and be with me. It wasn't that he did so out of a drive to get more and have the best stuff, it was a need to provide for his family, serve others, and work with everything in him. He is a servant and that is a rare gift to find in our world, but at times, to me, that got in the way of being my dad. Sure, he was there at my football games, band concerts, etc., but I just wanted times with my daddy throwing a football, playing catch, riding bikes, etc. As I got older, he was around a lot more and I have very found memories playing basketball with my dad on summer nights in the driveway, but as a child growing up I remember wanting Dad just to slow down and be with us.
It is a sad state in today's world that Consumerism has crept into our family mindset. We are always striving for more and better things, bigger houses, bigger cars, better insurance, nice food, nice clothes, cell phones, computers, etc. We run ourselves ragged trying to provide all these "necessities" and can begin neglecting the real necessities of life. We get wound up DOING so much for our family that we forget to BE with our family.
In Luke 10 Jesus was at Mary and Martha's house. Martha is running around working like a dog, trying to do everything and provide everything for their guest, while Mary is just sitting at Jesus' feet. Martha complains to Jesus, "Lord, tell that lazy bum to get up and help me! I'm working like crazy here trying to provide a meal for you." Jesus just looks at Martha and says, in essence, "Martha, you are so worried about so much, trying to so hard to make everything right, while she has chosen the better part, being with me, and I'm not gonna take that from her."
The major lesson here is that BEING is better than DOING. It's easy to get caught in the trap of "providing" the needs of our family, when in reality what we have is perfectly fine. We want nice stuff and things, but is it really a necessity? Is it worth working our brains out trying to give the best, nicest stuff when really what we have is fine? To slightly modify what Jesus said, "What does a man gain if he serves the whole world but loses his family?" It doesn't do our family any service if we work our tails off to do all that we can for our family but end up missing all the good things with our family.
When I get done in the office, I just wanna go home and rest, my brain fried from the day. I'm tired, I want to veg, but I came to a realization the other day that my time with Kai as a toddler is limited, my time with my wife is short, and I can either veg my time away, waiting for a free day or a weekend to spend time with them, or I can take every moment and make the most of the time I have with them. I had to define my priorities for life, would it be work or family first? This is even harder in ministry, when my work is full time service of the Lord, but the reality of Scripture is that my ministry is first to my family, because God has blessed me with a wife and family. I could choose to throw myself into the "sacred" work of the ministry, I could choose to kill myself with multiple jobs in an endless attempt to try and raise the financial level of our family, pay off debt, etc. Or, I could choose to enjoy the time I have with my wife and child, investing my energies and efforts into my relationships instead of tiring myself with an endless list of to do's and jobs, spending my resources on things that really don't matter in the long run.
Let me challenge you today to not get so busy with the rat race of life, to not work so hard "keeping up with the joneses", and invest everything in your family, because when it's all said and done, that's all you have. If that means rearranging your budget (or making one period!), down-sizing, etc. do so. God, spouse, children--that should be our priority list. Invest yourself in something lasting, in BEING and not so much in DOING.
Apr 11, 2013
Obscurity and Obedience
Popularity and prestige doesn't always equal success. It seems to me that success in leadership in ministry today is centered around personalities, styles, and popularity. The greater the numbers, the greater the success. However, just because everyone loves you, doesn't necessarily mean you are successful nor that you are in God's will. We like to think that God's blessing and His will always equals big numbers, but that simply isn't the case. Success is not defined by the number of people in the pews, but the level of our obedience.
By nature of this numbers/popularity driven concept of success, the missionary who devotes his life to reaching Muslims in the Middle East, who works for a decade with just a handful of converts, would be considered completely unsuccessful in his ministry. He isn't filling stadiums or packing out houses, but faithfully serving where the Lord has placed him. Every pastor wants the big numbers, every leader has dreams of grandeur, but often our grandiose dreams in no way resemble the calling that God has for our lives. We substitute our imagination for God's design, replacing His desires with our creative dreams. We want to shortcut the desert to arrive at the palace.
Moses is quite possibly the greatest example of obedient leadership that we can find. Granted, he had his shortcomings and failures, but he wasn't looking to lead a couple million Jews out of Egypt. He was a fugitive, on the run, hiding in the back desert for 40 years when God found him. He learned lessons in leadership through shepherding sheep and God drew him from the desert to lead His people to safety, but Moses never had dreams of grandeur. He obediently followed God's call with humility and, quite often, a lack of confidence. He was perfectly happy on the backside of nowhere, but was obedient to follow God wherever He took him.
Several years ago, when I moved to Colorado to become Associate Pastor, I learned a very big lesson in following God's call. God has placed big dreams in my heart and when I was led to Glenwood Springs, CO to go on staff at a church that averaged 50-60 people on Sunday I was excited but confused. I knew that God had called me to the mission field, given me dreams of big things that He would accomplish. I asked God one day, "Lord, what about my dreams? How can I ever accomplish all these big things here in the mountains? This isn't the mission field! I can't be big in your kingdom here on the slopes of the Rockies!" Very quietly, God spoke to my heart. "Are you concerned with your dreams? What if you never get to accomplish those dreams? What if this is the end of the line for you? Is that enough? What if I birthed those things in your heart only for someone else to complete? Are you okay with serving me here in a small church, never accomplishing those great things?"
I also didn't want to be a Youth Pastor, but that was part of my job description. I never wanted to be a Youth Pastor, had no passion for it, no desire to do it. "God, I'm not a Youth Pastor. I'm not called to do that!" Once again, He simply said, "Josh, are you that worried with a title? Are you that concerned with where you are and what you are doing? Are you the one that called yourself to ministry? Which do you choose: obedience or a title? Ministry isn't about a title and if you are that hung up I can use someone else. I called you and I determine where you go. You see a need, you meet a need. You are called to a ministry, to obedience, not a title!"
Talk about being put in your place. I had to come to terms with my own dreams and ideas, realizing that obedience demands that I be ok with obscurity. Success in God's economy isn't determined by numbers and quantity, but by faithful obedience. I'm convinced that the most successful, blessed, and amazing servants of God are sometimes the most obscure, unheard of people. There is a reason that God leads us through the small things first, to see if we will be obedient and faithful in the little, before he gives us the big stuff. Success = radical obedience. It means being willing to live in obscurity, out of the public eye, with a small church, if that is what God calls us to.
We don't decide the area of our calling or the size of our congregation; He does. We don't determine our giftings or bring key people into our lives; He does. We exist to serve Him and make Him famous, not the other way around. Faithfulness and obedience are currency in the Kingdom. That is the way that God determines success. When we are willing to put aside our dreams, ambitions, and pride to humbly serve the least of these, in the most remote areas, with no resources, and even without growing more than a few in a decade, then we can truly say that we are successful. That doesn't mean that God doesn't grow His church or doesn't bless us, that doesn't mean that we are to be stagnant or complacent, but it is an attitude of satisfaction in serving where God has placed us, doing all we can to accomplish His purposes wherever we are, in whatever circumstance we find ourselves.
Let us not despise the day of small beginnings.
By nature of this numbers/popularity driven concept of success, the missionary who devotes his life to reaching Muslims in the Middle East, who works for a decade with just a handful of converts, would be considered completely unsuccessful in his ministry. He isn't filling stadiums or packing out houses, but faithfully serving where the Lord has placed him. Every pastor wants the big numbers, every leader has dreams of grandeur, but often our grandiose dreams in no way resemble the calling that God has for our lives. We substitute our imagination for God's design, replacing His desires with our creative dreams. We want to shortcut the desert to arrive at the palace.
Moses is quite possibly the greatest example of obedient leadership that we can find. Granted, he had his shortcomings and failures, but he wasn't looking to lead a couple million Jews out of Egypt. He was a fugitive, on the run, hiding in the back desert for 40 years when God found him. He learned lessons in leadership through shepherding sheep and God drew him from the desert to lead His people to safety, but Moses never had dreams of grandeur. He obediently followed God's call with humility and, quite often, a lack of confidence. He was perfectly happy on the backside of nowhere, but was obedient to follow God wherever He took him.
Several years ago, when I moved to Colorado to become Associate Pastor, I learned a very big lesson in following God's call. God has placed big dreams in my heart and when I was led to Glenwood Springs, CO to go on staff at a church that averaged 50-60 people on Sunday I was excited but confused. I knew that God had called me to the mission field, given me dreams of big things that He would accomplish. I asked God one day, "Lord, what about my dreams? How can I ever accomplish all these big things here in the mountains? This isn't the mission field! I can't be big in your kingdom here on the slopes of the Rockies!" Very quietly, God spoke to my heart. "Are you concerned with your dreams? What if you never get to accomplish those dreams? What if this is the end of the line for you? Is that enough? What if I birthed those things in your heart only for someone else to complete? Are you okay with serving me here in a small church, never accomplishing those great things?"
I also didn't want to be a Youth Pastor, but that was part of my job description. I never wanted to be a Youth Pastor, had no passion for it, no desire to do it. "God, I'm not a Youth Pastor. I'm not called to do that!" Once again, He simply said, "Josh, are you that worried with a title? Are you that concerned with where you are and what you are doing? Are you the one that called yourself to ministry? Which do you choose: obedience or a title? Ministry isn't about a title and if you are that hung up I can use someone else. I called you and I determine where you go. You see a need, you meet a need. You are called to a ministry, to obedience, not a title!"
Talk about being put in your place. I had to come to terms with my own dreams and ideas, realizing that obedience demands that I be ok with obscurity. Success in God's economy isn't determined by numbers and quantity, but by faithful obedience. I'm convinced that the most successful, blessed, and amazing servants of God are sometimes the most obscure, unheard of people. There is a reason that God leads us through the small things first, to see if we will be obedient and faithful in the little, before he gives us the big stuff. Success = radical obedience. It means being willing to live in obscurity, out of the public eye, with a small church, if that is what God calls us to.
We don't decide the area of our calling or the size of our congregation; He does. We don't determine our giftings or bring key people into our lives; He does. We exist to serve Him and make Him famous, not the other way around. Faithfulness and obedience are currency in the Kingdom. That is the way that God determines success. When we are willing to put aside our dreams, ambitions, and pride to humbly serve the least of these, in the most remote areas, with no resources, and even without growing more than a few in a decade, then we can truly say that we are successful. That doesn't mean that God doesn't grow His church or doesn't bless us, that doesn't mean that we are to be stagnant or complacent, but it is an attitude of satisfaction in serving where God has placed us, doing all we can to accomplish His purposes wherever we are, in whatever circumstance we find ourselves.
Let us not despise the day of small beginnings.
Apr 10, 2013
Approval parenting
"I like to do pageants because my mommy and daddy love me when I win."
I actually heard those words from a little girl, probably 5-6 years old. My wife is addicted to shows like "John & Kate plus 8", "Toddlers & Tiaras", "Say yes to the dress". The other day she was watching an episode of "Toddlers & Tiaras" and a cute little blonde girl made that statement, that she likes the pageants because her parents love her when she wins. I was horrified at what I heard.
If you aren't familiar with this particularly bizarre show, it follows the lives of different children and their families through an endless cycle of beauty pageants and shows. I personally find the whole thing revolting, that little girls are subjected to world of "beauty", which is really just about spray tans, perfect bodies, fake teeth, and glued on eyelashes. The idea that girls start with this mentality before age 1 is painful and gut-wrenching. The biggest thing that hurts me is that many of these girls will grow up with convoluted conceptions of what beauty and life are all about. Others grow up hearing nothing but criticism after criticism, only receiving positive feedback through achievement. Nothing is ever enough for these pageant parents. The very statement I quote above is typical of many parents in the whole pageant circuit, moms living vicariously through their children, holding them to a strict (often unattainable) standard of perfection, something that the child will strive for the rest of their life.
Whether the parents meant it or not, this young little girl perceived from her parents' attitude that their love was conditional upon her achieving some standard. How repulsive! How horrific! How common!
Unfortunately, this little girl's life isn't one that is a stand alone case or a "1 in 100,000". I myself grew up in a situation that is similar to what I just expressed. My parents love me and I know that they do, but I grew up in a home that I perceived love to be given based on my performance. I was a straight A student, involved in sports, and in band. I excelled in many areas of life, but I did a majority of that out of a need to receive approval from my dad. I love my daddy very much and I know that he loves me, but growing up I don't think he always knew how to express that love. He wasn't an overly physically affectionate person and I am. I grew up with a drive and desire to hear him say, "I'm proud of you" because I equated that with "I love you." His love, to me, was conditioned upon my achievement, which at times led me to cheat and cut corners so that I would achieve. I'm sad to say it, but I made some poor decisions in my life out of a need to be approved by my father. Things have changed and I'm not saying that he is still that way, but I perceived him in that light as a child.
How many times do we only praise our children when they do something good? Are we active and passionate about knowing that we love them no matter if they are first or last? Is our love as parents conditional upon some achievement, success, accomplishment, etc.? You may say to me, "I would never do something like! How dare you think that way!" But the truth of the matter is we all are guilty of it. We praise our children and celebrate achievements, and we should, but we should love them and encourage at all times, praising them for who they are, celebrating their life and not just their accomplishments. I'm not talking about the whole "you're always a winner in my book" idea, because life is full of competition and there are winners and losers. But our children should never perceive our love as being conditioned upon them being a winner. They should never have to question whether they are doing enough to earn a hug from mama or a kiss from daddy.
Confidence in a child is founded upon knowing that they are loved and accepted in spite of failures and short-comings. Yes we should praise them when they excel, but we should love them even more when they fail, and they will fail. They need to know that our love is constant and unchanging, not based upon action, but a permanent part of our bond as parents and children. Our love as parents is what drives them to succeed, what pushes them to their limits, what gives them confidence to take risks and face the trials of life. A child who is secure and confident in the love and affirmation of their parents isn't afraid to fall because they know that mommy and daddy will always be there for them, loving them through ups and downs. When a child has to work for our love, they have no self-confidence and are hesitant to take risks out of a fear of losing or not earning our love.
Our Heavenly Father loves us just as we are, and He affirms as much throughout the Bible. His love is unchanging and perfect and, despite popular belief, He is never disppointed with us. That may sound heretical, but disappoint means "the failure to meet the expectation or the hope of." It implies an expected result and then the shock at failure. Well, God is never shocked when we fail. He has no expectations of grandeur for our lives. He knows when we are going to fail and so He isn't shocked. He expects that we will stumble and fall, which is why He is so adamant about the unchanging, eternal nature of His grace. His love is not dependent upon our actions, our successes or failures, but is a part of His character. He IS love, perfect love. And 1 John says "there is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out all fear." Jeremiah 31:3 says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued to extend faithful love to you."
May we be conscious in extending faithful, unconditional love to our children, so they can grow up with the confidence that no matter what they face, be it success or failure, mommy and daddy will ALWAYS love them. May we be so extravagant and forthright with our love that they never come close to concluding that we "love them when they win."
Love them with all you have!
I actually heard those words from a little girl, probably 5-6 years old. My wife is addicted to shows like "John & Kate plus 8", "Toddlers & Tiaras", "Say yes to the dress". The other day she was watching an episode of "Toddlers & Tiaras" and a cute little blonde girl made that statement, that she likes the pageants because her parents love her when she wins. I was horrified at what I heard.
If you aren't familiar with this particularly bizarre show, it follows the lives of different children and their families through an endless cycle of beauty pageants and shows. I personally find the whole thing revolting, that little girls are subjected to world of "beauty", which is really just about spray tans, perfect bodies, fake teeth, and glued on eyelashes. The idea that girls start with this mentality before age 1 is painful and gut-wrenching. The biggest thing that hurts me is that many of these girls will grow up with convoluted conceptions of what beauty and life are all about. Others grow up hearing nothing but criticism after criticism, only receiving positive feedback through achievement. Nothing is ever enough for these pageant parents. The very statement I quote above is typical of many parents in the whole pageant circuit, moms living vicariously through their children, holding them to a strict (often unattainable) standard of perfection, something that the child will strive for the rest of their life.
Whether the parents meant it or not, this young little girl perceived from her parents' attitude that their love was conditional upon her achieving some standard. How repulsive! How horrific! How common!
Unfortunately, this little girl's life isn't one that is a stand alone case or a "1 in 100,000". I myself grew up in a situation that is similar to what I just expressed. My parents love me and I know that they do, but I grew up in a home that I perceived love to be given based on my performance. I was a straight A student, involved in sports, and in band. I excelled in many areas of life, but I did a majority of that out of a need to receive approval from my dad. I love my daddy very much and I know that he loves me, but growing up I don't think he always knew how to express that love. He wasn't an overly physically affectionate person and I am. I grew up with a drive and desire to hear him say, "I'm proud of you" because I equated that with "I love you." His love, to me, was conditioned upon my achievement, which at times led me to cheat and cut corners so that I would achieve. I'm sad to say it, but I made some poor decisions in my life out of a need to be approved by my father. Things have changed and I'm not saying that he is still that way, but I perceived him in that light as a child.
How many times do we only praise our children when they do something good? Are we active and passionate about knowing that we love them no matter if they are first or last? Is our love as parents conditional upon some achievement, success, accomplishment, etc.? You may say to me, "I would never do something like! How dare you think that way!" But the truth of the matter is we all are guilty of it. We praise our children and celebrate achievements, and we should, but we should love them and encourage at all times, praising them for who they are, celebrating their life and not just their accomplishments. I'm not talking about the whole "you're always a winner in my book" idea, because life is full of competition and there are winners and losers. But our children should never perceive our love as being conditioned upon them being a winner. They should never have to question whether they are doing enough to earn a hug from mama or a kiss from daddy.
Confidence in a child is founded upon knowing that they are loved and accepted in spite of failures and short-comings. Yes we should praise them when they excel, but we should love them even more when they fail, and they will fail. They need to know that our love is constant and unchanging, not based upon action, but a permanent part of our bond as parents and children. Our love as parents is what drives them to succeed, what pushes them to their limits, what gives them confidence to take risks and face the trials of life. A child who is secure and confident in the love and affirmation of their parents isn't afraid to fall because they know that mommy and daddy will always be there for them, loving them through ups and downs. When a child has to work for our love, they have no self-confidence and are hesitant to take risks out of a fear of losing or not earning our love.
Our Heavenly Father loves us just as we are, and He affirms as much throughout the Bible. His love is unchanging and perfect and, despite popular belief, He is never disppointed with us. That may sound heretical, but disappoint means "the failure to meet the expectation or the hope of." It implies an expected result and then the shock at failure. Well, God is never shocked when we fail. He has no expectations of grandeur for our lives. He knows when we are going to fail and so He isn't shocked. He expects that we will stumble and fall, which is why He is so adamant about the unchanging, eternal nature of His grace. His love is not dependent upon our actions, our successes or failures, but is a part of His character. He IS love, perfect love. And 1 John says "there is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out all fear." Jeremiah 31:3 says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued to extend faithful love to you."
May we be conscious in extending faithful, unconditional love to our children, so they can grow up with the confidence that no matter what they face, be it success or failure, mommy and daddy will ALWAYS love them. May we be so extravagant and forthright with our love that they never come close to concluding that we "love them when they win."
Love them with all you have!
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